Ola Andersson blogg aka Taz_1999

Välkommen till Ola Anderssons/Taz_1999 personliga två-språkiga humorblogg. Men tyvärr är den inte kul, på något av språken. Ledsen för det. Jag har dock en bra ide på att lösa det problemet, genom att lära mig mera. Ett tredje språk alltså: Eskimåiska. Hrurfru ghuujik illloooik. Hahaha!

I have a system, several in fact


Ola Andersson - A man with a systemA man has a system for everything, that's just how our peanuts work.

I have a system for work: Run around like a squirrel on speed and work on every task no more than four seconds.

I have a system for forgetting where I put my keys: Put them in a new place every single time I leave them somewhere because I sure can use a little more frustrations in my life.

I have a system for doing the dishes too: During commercial breaks in TV, 5-10 minutes at a time. I tried using the same system for sex with the girlfriend... Shortest system I've ever had. Also, I'm a little bit single now...

I even have one for putting my pants on: The trick is to figure out that pants are different from T-shirts. I figured that one out weeks ago. 

We men hold on to our systems even if don't give the results we think they do. This is true most of all for our systems for meeting women. A woman has at least ten ways to signal interest, maybe more. Well, so I've heard anyways. 

How women signal interest

Batting eyelashes, smiling, leaning the head, pressing her arms slightly on her you know "twins" to increase her cleavege, standing a little to close, wetting her lips, throwing glances, light touches, eating food in a naughty way, adjusting her clothes and so on. Also, breathing, I think. 

A man has several ways to signal interest too. Let's se now, gonna get my brand new book here... Here it is "The finding girls how-to-guide for the clueless caveman living in modern society". That title made it clear I have to buy this book.

This book also proves, as if we need the evidence, that if a man lacks a system for something, he will buy expensive books containing them. And he will pay through the nose for theese books. And here is the funny part, he will not improve by reading theese... since the authors are, well you guessed it,  also clueless men.

Here it is, page one...

Good ways to meet women

  1. Honk the horn.
  2. Whissle. A lot. Sometimes she can't hear you so stand closer.
  3. Staring at her boobs, for hours. Sometimes it takes a while to work.
  4. Shouting "Show me your boobs" at innapropiate occasions like weddings, funerals, PTA-meetings, job-interviews and in front of her mother.
  5. Sending her text-messages when you are drunk, also about her boobs.

That's it really. Five methods. Hm. Well this should keep me busy all year!

Hey! The rest of the pages are blank. What the hell... I paid eighty bucks for this book. Dammit!

So why do we men create systems for everything?

Well a man really don't like suprises, but we do like predictable results. That is why we like tools and building or demolishing stuff instead of talking about our relationships. Predictable results.

When a guy builds a cannon that can shoot pumpkins at cars, men don't ask him why he does this. We know. Predictable results, mening the car will be destroyed in a really cool and interesting way.

My system for meeting girls

Me with a sissy-looking drink in my hand, stupidly grinning too.I would like to add to the previous list from the book, since I have a system for meeting girls too. I simply took one thing from the girls lists. It's all about the glances. When I'm in a bar I like to throw a nice looking lady a casual glance and a smile.

Well when I drink what constitutes a casual glance becomes a little blurred, so.. Well Ok, I stare. And also, my smile is more like a stupid grin. See?

I mentioned I drink a little? Well I lied, I drink a lot. So there I am staring and grinning.

And the stare is not so much "Is that an angel?"... It's much closer to "She looks good enough to eat". But sadly not in, you know... the fun way. So staring and grinning, and I get 100% predictable results doing that!

The system is this: If she feels uncomfortable from my staring and grinning and lets be honest, who wouldn't, and she goes home, that is one point right there!

If she just like me, a person with incredibly bad judgement, who can't hold her liqueur and she looks back at me, smiles and hold that smile and eyecontact for more than three seconds, that's another point!

And then I go home, since bitter experience has taught me that after that first interested glance from her, it doesn't get any better. See? Predictable results! 

I should write a book. I think I can write three, maybe four pages about this.

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