I have a another plan! This one is crazy good... Using my keen powers of observation and my vast amounts of mad reasoning skillz I think I have found a way to change my life for the better. Finally! A change of scenery is what I need. I think I would be a lot happier in the Bahamas in the South Seas. But how do I get there? That is the problem.
Well I've noticed that I don't have a lot of muscles and I'm not getting any more either for the forseable future. To get some would require a serious amount of work and probably massive surgery. So much so it would probably be easier to mount my head on a better looking body, preferably someone way cooler than me, like Pee Wee Herman, this guy or even Jar Jar Binks.
Actually I have so little muscles I'm practically a jellyfish! So if only I could have a little less muscle and drink a lot of water, then I'm pretty sure I would be one. Did I say water? I meant beer. No excellent plan is ever without beer, either during creation, excecution or the afterparty when blame is assigned. It is also really crucial right after the afterparty when the wife has found out what you did. You want to be drunk out of your skull for that one. As luck would have it, I don't have a wife. Isn't that wonderful?
Anyways, part one is to become a jellyfish. Here is how: I stock up on junk food and water (aka beer) and park myself in the couch in front of the boob tube and just wait and drink and wait and eat and do jelly shots and eat gummy bears and drink and repeat. I just need to raise the percentage of water and jelly in my body just a little bit. Should be easy enogh? I'm gonna be a jellyfish! Isn't that wonderful?
Well, the second part of the plan is the traveling to the south seas. That's the easy part in this excellent plan. Every apartment in the world has a device made for sending stuff there, the porceline aqarium. I just flush myself! Yeah, thats right. I'm going to the south seas! Isn't that wonderful?
Greatest. Plan. Ever.