I'm having way to much fun with this discovery. A few days ago I happened to find (on a very technical website a visit regulary, also here) a product bearing my name! And when you think about it, for this particualar product it really is a good name, since it is, well, my name, and it also sound like the noise a person using this product would make. Maybe I'm imagining that last part, but anyways...
A company called Minna, to which I probably should send a big fat stinky check so they can immediately ship a whole crate of theese things, has decided in it's glorius wisdom to name their new product after me! Wow, it is such an honour to be chosen like this. This is also a big surprise since we have never had any contact, but I'm drunk a lot, so I probably just forgot.
Here is the kicker - the product is not garbage truck, it is not a ceramic nose puppy*, it is not a spray on hair, it is not a toilet plunger either. It is not a crappy product in any way. It is... wait for it, a honest to God, very technically advanced sex toy, the Ola vibrator! I'm so happy I could cry right now!
Click the read more button to read the rest!
Do you know how great this product fits me and my name? Well it is squeezable, just like me. It has a memory, just like me. It is intuitive just like me. It is first of it's kind just like me. It is in the industry just like me. It has a rhythm memory just like me. Well, maybe not so much. I can't dance, at all. One word: spasticconvulsionwrithering. (Good word, isn't it, I just made it up.) It has an on/off switch, just like me. It can record and also replay patterns just like me. I can so do that! And it is made to be used on a frequent basis to achive sexual ecstasy.... no wait... Crap!
Anyhoo – for years and years I have been jealous of the Irish, who happen to have the sweetest and best pick-up line in the world. It is: –"Do you have a bit of Irish in you lass?". (The Girl says no). –"Would you like some?". That is so good it should be outlawed on the account of the Irish getting all the women with that.
But now, think of the possibilities for me personally! I could have my very own pick-up line. Let my try a few on you. –"Do you have a vibrator?". Maybe not, that would get me a fierce kick in the gonads. Not a good conversation starter... Maybe –"Did you know that there is an amazing new vibrator...", no that's another kick. Or –"Now for a limited time only, you could own a bit of me! To use for masturb", nope, another kick. Now I got it! It has to be in the question – answer – follow up format. Where the follow up is laced with sexual innuendo. This should work: –"Do you know anyone that has had a sex toy named after them?" (The Girl says no). –"Hi, my name is Ola. Now you do!". And then I present them with the thingy. Sweet!
I have to write that check right now...
* This is a Dilbert reference. Someguy is trying to sell Dilbert this product and he wonders what they are for. The inventor states, putting them in your nose. And follows up with: -"Find a need and fill it, that is my motto".
Image used with permission from Minna Life - makers of the Ola vibrator.